Post mortem

I haven't been feeling well lately.

Actually, medyo nahihiya talaga ako. Sa G10 people na pumunta sa Antipolo last Friday.

I think nagkalat ako last Friday. I feel ashamed, guilty, embarassed all at the same time.

I was expecting a relatively noisy atmosphere, much like how we used to do things back in high school. But no. It was a casual drinks-only-after-dinner thing. No loud music. No boisterous laughter. If anything, it was pretty safe, mature, and even sober (pardon the pun).

I realize that that night was more important to them than it will ever be to me. And I spoiled it with the crazy things I did. Sh*t.

The last couple of night outings I went to before this one were much like how we did them back in high school. As in complete with videoke. Harhar. Maybe I was expecting things that simply weren't there. Do I even have the right to expect things? Crap. I should even consider myself lucky to have been invited, and I did those things. Chalk one for first lesson learned.

The problems were [and i enumerate] (1) I was late. As in late, not fashionably late. Nakakahiya. And no, blaming it on coding won't cut it. Instead, I should've explained at first that I will not be able to come early, since I had to attend to a 340 - 440 PM class, and a meeting with the mentoring+co author thing afterwards. Crap. (2) I was noisy and nosy. I realize that I should have been more 'behaved' like mum used to remind me constantly, but I wasn't. Remember, we're treading on foreign soil here. (3) I was dealing with a largely female group. Oh dear. I used to think that I am somewhat more sensitive than most other guys, but this one proves that maybe that isn't at all true everytime, especially when one has been drinking. I came off as rude, which in the colloquial, exactly translates to bastos. Crapaloo. Chalk two for second big lesson learned. (4) And I was indeed drunk. For chrissakes, I was red as a beet. I only ate little before drinking, and I seldom eat pica pica when drinking. That, I think caused the even stranger, weirder side of me to emerge. Alcohol gets into your blood faster when one is hungry and under stress.

If anything, I learned lots:

• First, never ever drink on an empty stomach. Oh, how I wish I knew this one before going to Antipolo. I knew the latak rule (or is it a myth?), but stupidly, not this one. No, it was not the food. Its just that I made a bad call to eat less and drink more.
  
• Never feign being not drunk (or the other way around). Magkaiba ang tama sa pagka lasing, always remember that. Last Friday, while you had much of the former, you still had the latter, admit it or not.
  
• Never ever expect things. Instead, be prepared for the unexpected.
• Be more extra extra sensitive, especially when in foreign soil. Go beyond context if possible.
  
• Humility is always a virtue men could use more of. Even you, Ralph. Yes. Even you.
  
• And don't drink and drive. Perception of speed starts to differ once you have some alcohol flowing in your blood. :D (But its nice to drive a few minutes before 2AM.)
  
• To self: please, next time Ralph, when we go drinking anywhere (as in anywhere), higher levels of self monitoring naman. Its easy to loud and obnoxious when one is let loose. Be observant of your decorum and ettiquette, and always consider the persons and environment around you. (Edit: Crap. You can't even spell etiquette correctly.)
• A balanced lifestyle is almost always preferred. Get a life, man. I mean it. Beyond books, beyond papers. Never think of opportunities to drink as something that happens once in a lifetime. :))
  

Haaaay. I really think Israel's representative deserves a genuine, sincere apology, even a late one. Really. Nahihiya talaga ako. Maybe that is why I haven't beeen feeling quite right lately. Syet. I feel like that country that threatened Israel a few days back.