quaint little rutted bucket

Sunday, December 18, 2005

A term ago now

Breakfast has come and gone, and here I am, back in my room to continue this. As I was looking out to the lake, it is only now that I realized indeed, how dear this place has become to me. “Why,” you might ask.

As the first term ended this school year, this place saw me as that starry-eyed bloke who was infatuated. Badly. And unlike in the past, I really wanted to do something about it. I figured that a girl like her would only come once in a lifetime, so I might as well take risks, not wanting to let this one go.

So, as any enterprising person would do, I started by asking questions. I posed the silliest questions to the girls in FORMDEV (“What color of flowers would I give her?”, “What kind of flowers would I give her?”, “How many?”), to the guys (“Is it worth it?”) and finally, to myself. I could vividly remember trying to sleep, amidst the thoughts, the empty stares out onto the magnificent scenery that can be seen from the deck at the rear of the Villa. Really, it was senti mode fest.

While the flowers-related questions were indeed silly, I did learn a lot about myself. Looking back, little did I know that a lot of things were in store for me from that fateful weekend.

I descended from Tagaytay knowing the answers to at least the most important questions: “Is this for real?” and “Am I going to try to make this happen?” The answers were yes, although to that end, I wasn't exactly sure as to how to go about it.

That was how it all began.

The irony of it all is that, a term after, here I am again, in the same room, looking out the same window, and the same scenery, trying to put all those behind me. Trying so hard to forget, to learn, and to move on. Its a sad thing, but I think it was still worth it—at the very least, I've learned a good deal about myself in the experience. And I had the chance to get to know a very worthwhile person, who, indirectly and most likely without her realizing it, taught me a great deal about the world and myself.


You know its going to be over when the pangs of closure start manifesting itself all over again, in a fashion similar to the ones I went through in the past. Contrary to popular notion, its not really denial that comes first. Its a real bad case of longing. A really bad case of longing. For a relative introvert like me who revels in deep thought and reflection, it is actually worse. A stare outside a window conjures much thoughts, memories, and sounds that just seem like yesterday. The things you liked so much about a person, the things that made you like her in the first place—those things.

To actually write this down all over again, to revisit thoughts was harder a couple of weeks ago. But it seems a bit easier now.

This may be my last post here at Tagaytay for today. We'll still have a quick session before taking our lunch and preparing to head back to Manila.


  • hoy ralph! j here. w0w. first time ko lang makita blog mo at masasabi kong writer ka nga! hehe ^_^

    anyways, wala na ba talagang pag asa yan? sayang... :(

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:36 PM  

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