quaint little rutted bucket

Friday, February 20, 2004

here's a song I've found too hard to take away my ears from. Yes, it's a tad old, but it's just too mellifluous to pass. :D

No Stopping Us
words & music by jason mraz

Would it take a bakers dozen to get my point to you?
Would it take a half a pound to roll a joint for you
Would it take some hailing marys so full of grace to get my sound to you
Will you help me break it down and get on through

Down to the other side
It's easy of you only try
We don't lie down on the job
Because once we hit the top there's no stopping us

Should I address all my letters to the well to be
Should I say return to sender is just a well be done
Should I better not it take so personally if all the good loving is never received
Baby if it was me well I wouldn't think twice

No not I...
It's easy if you only try
We don't lie down on the job
Because once we hit the top there's no stopping us.

I will drive a thousand miles or I'll meet you at the station
If only you would take a vacation from this thing you have created
I promise to make it worth your while

So c'mon try. Baby wont you try
It's easy if you do not run
I promise you you'll have your fun
Because once we hit the top we've just begun

There's no stopping us...

Doubt? What doubt?

The doubt's getting pretty stronger by the day. The doubt in my abilities. The doubt in this whole "the-college-for-me-is-ComSci" thingy. I just want to get on with my life. Do something I have passion for.

The question is a toss-up between some practical sense and passion. Sure, I still have passion for computers, but when it boils down to the intricacies of Computer Science, like mathematics and programming, there's simply not enough motivation for me to continue. I might have improved upon my ability in programming lately, but it still pales in comparison to most of the people I know. Sigh.

And there's numbers and my intellectual capabilities. Gawd, how I hate numbers. Seems like I was born to *loathe* numbers. My grade school days were filled of difficult days in math (it was my perennial Achilles' Heel; it was the subject that I tend to have to lowest grades in, so anything even distinctly related to it suffered as well. Take physics for example. Sheesh, I got a barely-passing grade last term for it.) and up to now, I still have that hatred. I guess my mind isn't simply built for numbers.

(Here's something interesting: the list of famous people with the name 'Ralph' contains more creative, (writers, poets, painters) political and scholarly types than the all the engineers named 'Ralph' combined. Gee. Me, another reason in maintaining the status quo? Hahah.)

So, despite all the interest and passion I have for computers in general, I can't seem to find myself when faced with programming and math. Sigh.

That's where my other fields of interest start appearing attractive than ever before. Fields like Psychology, Behavioral Science, Literature, PolSci/International Studies, Education, History... the degree programs I'm contemplating shifting to. I now even more passion and genuine enthusiasm for those things; things I think I never had with ComSci. My writing is coming back now, thanks to a more understanding and equally-interesting professor I have in ENGLONE, Ms. Elizabeth Calero. I have even more confidence in my writing now (think about it, I even got accepted for TLS back in first term against the many who hoped to get in... too bad it took too much of my time and mum decided against it. Yep, that's the story why didn't anybody see any byline in TLS with my name on it.) and its something that I seriously consider. I mean, can writing be used much in ComSci? No it can't, but a BS degree in Lit or a BSE in English does, at least in the case of some IBMers featured somewhere online.

But then again, maybe it's just a bad case of that inferiority complex cropping up here and there. The list of countless insecurities I have on myself. Despite that cool, almost-resilient nature I seem to have, I must confess that it's just a mask to hide all the anxieties and doubts I have on myself.

Sigh. Maybe I just dislike that math too much that its become the source of all the pains I have in my life right now.

I dunno.

On a related note, I still haven't went to CCD for counselling. I'll schedule that, maybe on Munday. Or Wednesday.

Currently playing on my sweet Sennheiser HD497s
(para hindi maka-istorbo ng tulog. heheh.): "The Angels Sing" Album, a collection of the sweetest, most soothing female voices to have ever graced modern classical music. :D


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