quaint little rutted bucket

Friday, September 09, 2005

Nothing. Nothing, I say!

To be honest, whenever people ask me of my course, I don't really mention it being a secondary education degree program. I just tell them that I'm majoring in English (which is technically true...) and when that elicits an unconventional response (e.g.
"Baket English? Hindi ka pa ba marunong nun?", "Ano namang gagawin mo dun?", "Ano bang pwedeng gawin dun?" etc.) I can't help but feel a bit peeved and frustrated. I can only imagine if I told the same people that I am working on an education degree with English as my major.

Knowing myself, I know that I should feel proud and all of the decision I made. But no. The reality is, whenever I am out in the real world, I tend to downplay the program I am in. I can't easily tell it to my relatives as one would say "I am taking up accounting!/engineering!". To make matters worse, I often follow the "English po" reply with stories about my intention to become a liar lawyer.
Without me realizing it at all, I myself have become a victim of this crazy society's fixation on titles and stereotypes.

After thinking much about it recently, (hell, I haven't been doing much aside from that since this crappy term break began) I feel that I am doing that simply because I feel pressured from the people around me. Mum fully supports me in my decision to pursue an education degree, but the same cannot be said of Dad. To avoid taking heat whenever I talk about the possibility of teaching in the future I almost always mention law school, whereas in reality, I don't quite think I'll make a good lawyer.

Why this kind of talk, you ask? Well, I've found out even more. When I'm alone and in the company of my professors at school or even with the FORMDEV guys, I feel at peace, even proud with my decision. Last Wednesday, I had the chance to be invited to a screening panel that did the evaluation of the teaching demos of the prospective instructors applying for a teaching stint with the English department. There were four distinct applicants who, in a way, represented the different kinds of teachers we have today. That was one of those moments when I felt my decision was reaffirmed and reinforced, that in a way, what I really wanted to do and do well was to teach.

I wasn't able to watch "Cinderella Man" last Tuesday. So I'd have to wait until the 14th. Bummer. And there are no good movies showing this week. (Waaah! I also lost out on "Must Love Dogs", after having spent the day I was intending to watch it at Poy's antipolo home. I guess I'll have to wait for a proper DVD of that thing. :(

I've completed three hundred or so pages of Ludlum's "Bourne Identity". Gosh, thrillers are harder to experience when being read. Heheh. Things can get quite tedious and wordy at times. But Ludlum's word play is wonderful, and to imagine how in the world he came up with the plot of this thing is real impressive.

Read, read! Then read some more. That's basically how I spend my afternoons lately. Real slow, and can be real dragging at times.

Tomorrow, I plan to spend an entire afternoon at the Ayala Museum. Still haven't went there lately.


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